My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
