I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm drive I can fine osifer
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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