Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
