tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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