Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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