I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
