wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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