What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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