Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
