very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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