omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
