Non-Jews are for practice
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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