end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
