i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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