Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My vagina is officially offended.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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