these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
