Your dad touched me again.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
