I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
