Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize