apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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