You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
