They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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