remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
