we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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