So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
