May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
