I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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