I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
