I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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