it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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