We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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