SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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