I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
