My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
