Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize