It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can't talk, ducks in the car
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
