And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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