After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
