first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
