You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
