i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
