Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
