you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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