At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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