dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
