Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
