All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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