Please, let me fuck your mom
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
