I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
