Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
