no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
