He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
