just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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