I have demons in me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
