tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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