Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
