hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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