Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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