Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize