my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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