Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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