dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
