she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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