You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
