How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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