I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
