You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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