Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
