this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
