i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
