it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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