You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
