We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
