he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
