I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
