I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
