I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
