we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
