Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
