The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
