i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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