What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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