I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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