man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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