Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
