i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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