I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
